The rules of Jubilee
by JoJo1
Summary: Jubes is playing matchmaker and lays down some ground rules.


**Disclaimer**: Right. I've legally changed my name to Marvel. Does that make me own these characters? Thought not.   
**Archive**: Dolphin Haven   
**Feedback**: That would be lovely, thanks. I'll owe you...forever since I'm soooo poor...   
**Author's notes**: Okay, this is rather cliché' but never mind that. I hope it's fun anyway. It got inspired from a really weird source...a Swedish satire-program made fun (or tried to at least) one of our princesses recently (trust me, you do not want to know in what way) and a day or two after there was an article about it in the newspaper with a printed joke aimed at men as a sort-of retaliation. The joke sounded like something Jubes could say and what do you know...instant plotbunny! 

* * *

Jubes was, to say the least, very annoyed at certain people living in the mansion. Two in particular. Two people as oblivious as to what the other one was feeling as possible. Everyone could see it except the two mutants in question. She thought to herself that if even Mr Summers could see it everyone should be able to. But no! That would be too easy apparently. The growler and the drawler for reasons unfathomable would not see reason if it kicked them in the butt. 

That's where Jubilation Lee, matchmaker extra-ordinary, steps in. She's doing everything she can think of to make the two of them open up their eyes and see what's in front of said eyes. Everything and then some really. That ranged from making sure the two of them spent a lot of time with only one another for company (by dragging everyone else out of the room if she had to), reminding them to buy Christmas/birthday presents in case it was forgotten and making sure they bought the exactly right present too. Laying down some mojo on them was not forsaken either although she had her doubts as how effective that one was. Ororo hadn't been too pleased with her though - she went on and on about how vile the smell of incense, cinnamon, vanilla and vinegar was when mixed together. As if! Oh, well. It would have been so worth the detention she had received had it only worked. 

Unfortunately it hadn't. The Wolvmeister and Rogey were still not hitting it off in the way she wanted them to but Jubes wasn't ready to call it quits just yet. She knew they'd be perfect for each other - if nothing else because they'd look so darn cute together! Not to mention that she wanted two of her best friends to be really happy, something she herself had wanted for such a long time. She had never been able to find herself that perfect match - only a long list of men she now wished to have no further contact with. None had been what she would call good boyfriend-material. Rather the reverse. One more reason why she was so dead-set on making the two soul mates realizes that's exactly what they were. 

Gah! Why did they both have to be both so blind and so stubborn?? She was running out of options on how to make them see it. In fact, she was down to her last one. One not to be ignored though. She had hoped she wouldn't have had to use it though – she was trying to become more subtle but as Kitty said...Jubes and subtlety were two words that just didn't go together very well. Not at all actually. 

Okay, so she wasn't below using her last resort. Her infamous motor-mouth and her own stubbornness, which could make the Wolvmeister seem like a push-over in comparison. She was a woman on a mission and on the hunt. On the hunt for Rogey to talk some sense into her sometimes very thick head. Talk some sense into it with the aid of a blunt sledgehammer if she had to. Only drawback with that is that it could hurt...no pain, no gain right? But it's Rogey so no hurting her. She's such a sweetheart that none could possibly do such a thing. 

Time to give Rogey a piece of the infamous Jubes's talks. There's just no avoiding it. She found her lying on her bed reading. Jubes glanced at the book title and dismissed it at once. An utterly unheard of author (whoever had heard of someone called George Orwell??) Boring cover and a boring title too - no sexual innuendos whatsoever. Clearly not worthy of her time. She yanked the book out of Rogey's hands who screamed out "Hey Jubes! I was enjoying that book!" 

"So? You have more important things to take care of than...whatever is in that book". 

"Yeah? Like what? I'm not gonna play some prank of John again so don't even think about it!" 

"No such thing" Jubes answered with a more serious note in her voice than she had thought herself capable of. 

"What then?" 

"It's time for you to go out and get the man of your dreams" she said, subtlety be damned. 

"Like who?" 

"Oh, don't give me that. You know who. Mr Big and Bad growly badass of course." 

"Don't be silly. Just because you have wet dreams about Sabretooth doesn't mean everyone does." 

Jubes couldn't help but laughing at that, before she slapped Rogue. "Not him, silly. A little hint for you...his name's Logan. Ring a bell?" 

After a few seconds she continued "Ah, I see it does. Red really suits you Rogey." 

"Well, keep it to yourself. Logan doesn't need to know." 

"Why not?" 

"He doesn't feel the same way. You know that." 

"No, I don't. He's just blind but when I'm done with him he won't be anymore. I have my ways of bending even the mighty Wolverine to my will." 

"Oh yeah? So how come you're single then?" 

"I haven't been obeying the five secrets of how to make a relationship to work out" she answered, wondered how the hell this ended up being about her and not Rogey. Time to change that... 

"What secrets would that be? You know...I might put them to use on a certain Canadian..." 

"Well, if you really want to know...number one is to find yourself a man that takes care of cooking, cleaning and the other boring stuff - and has a well-paid job." 

"Does opening cans with adamantium-claws and cage-fighting count?" 

"You bet! Number 2...it's important to have a guy that can make you laugh." 

"Check! Logan has a really wicked out sense of humour. You know, I could tell you..." 

"Too much information! Keep his wicked mind in the gutter where it belongs.". She loved sexual innuendo and downright explicit things in her reading but preferred to keep it to the reading. Not counting teasing a certain Bobby Drake about his ineptitude… 

"What? What are you talking about?" 

"Don't tell me that his humour isn't very lewd and sexual?" 

"Now that you mention it..." 

"Like I said, too much information. Rule number 3 means that you need to find a man that you trust with ever fibre of your being and that does not lie to you." 

"Check! Otherwise I wouldn't even be friends with him." 

"I hear yah. Moving on to the next rule. It involves having a man that is a God in bed and loves to have sex with you and you only." 

"Hmmm...dunno about that one." 

"Huh?" 

"I don't know how good he's in bed." 

"That's for you to find out and for me to not know. But look at him and tell me he doesn't just smell like a sex-God?" Okay, so she wasn't a very good liar. Not even to herself. 

"I thought you said Logan was the man of my dreams and not yours?" 

"One doesn't rule out the other now does it?" Jubes said with a mischievous look in her eye. 

"Hold on! Hands off! If I am to have any chance of getting him you better stay out of it. I have enough competition as it is." 

"Spoil-sport. But he's all yours. I promise I won't try to seduce him. Scott though..." Jubes got a dreamy look in her eyes and sort of zoned-out. 

Rogue looked at her for a while, almost laughing. 

"Earth to Jubes. Earth to Jubes. Stop dreaming about Scott now. What's rule number five?" 

Jubes finally snapped out of her trance, collected herself a bit and hesitated. "Oh yeah. Rule number five. That one says that under no circumstances should these four guys know each other." 

Rogue couldn't help it. She laughed so much that her sides started to hurt. 

When her laugh-attack had subsided she said "I should have known that you weren't serious. Now get out of here and get the man of your dreams. Mine is about to come here anytime now." 

As if on cue a knock could be heard before the door opened and Logan came walking into the room. Rogue jumped up from the bed and crossed the room, before finally giving Logan a very heated kiss. A kiss he was more than willing, eager even, to receive. He kissed her back and stroked the back of her head while doing so. 

Jubes on the other hand looked like a fish stranded on land. She soooo couldn't believe her eyes and was almost comatose of shock. Almost being the keyword. She had enough sense to leave the room before she ended up on the receiving end of some Wolvie-sarcasm or being given the claw. She did receive a weird smile from Wolvie though…as if he was trying to say that the joke was on her. Wicked sense of humour indeed. Keeping their relationship from the one and only Jubilee? What could they have been thinking with? 

"Now what?" she thought to herself. "Hey, wonder if John and Paige are hitting it of yet...?" 


End file.
